Rebuilding the Third Temple in our own community

The Talmud teaches us that tisha b’av was caused by sinat hinam, causeless hatred, among the jews. The story is told of a certain unnamed man who intended to invite his friend, Hamtza, to a party. His servant, however, accidentally invited Bar Hamtza, whom this man disliked. When Bar Hamtza arrived, he refused to let him in. Bar Hamtza begged, offered to pay the cost of his dinner, offered to pay for the party, but he refused, and all the leading rabbis in Jerusalem, who were at the party, did not protest. Bar Hamtza then went and told the Romans that the jews were planning a revolt, and this led to the destruction of the temple.
One major challenge we have in this community, is how can we engage in conversation but avoid mahloket, controversy? How can we live in a community with people who share diametrically opposed perspectives, and yet have trust, and not sinat hinam.
This challenge came to a heated climax this past Sunday, at the board meeting, when as many of you know a vote was taken to enforce the mehitza at weekday minyanim. During the discussion, and also after the meeting, it was clear how passionate people feel on both sides of the issue. It was also clear that people on opposite sides deeply mistrust each other. Advocates of egalitarianism are deeply suspicious that the mehitza is just one step in a nefarious plot to make the synagogue orthodox. Similarly, I have heard some older members of the congregation deeply suspicious of the younger families, and I have heard younger families deeply suspicious of our clergy. These are the divisions dividing this community, and sadly these divisions do reach the point of mahloket, of controversy with personal animosity and mistrust.
In the mahloket of Hillel and Shammai, the classic mahloket leshem shamayim, mahloket for the sake of heaven, the Talmud says that the reason halacha went in accordance with Hillel was that he always quoted shammai first. What does it mean to quote the person you disagree with, and even put his opinion before yours?
First of all, it means he respected his opinion. He believed shammai was arguing for the sake of heaven, not out of any base motive. He assumed the best of intentions, and was not suspicious, even though he could have been.
Secondly, to teach shammai’s opinion, he must have taken the time to understand it. The torah’s prescription for getting over resentment, is that when you see your enemy’s donkey fallen, you help him reload it. It’s literally walking a mile in his shoes: roll up your sleeves, and get in the ditch with him.
If you are suspicious of what young families are doing during services, and you think they’re just up there schmoozing, go upstairs, help with childrens services, get to know the young families.
If you wonder why someone doesn’t come to minyan, find out what their day is like, what their struggles are.
If you wonder why someone feels so strongly about the mehitza, talk to them, get to understand what it means to them.
If you suspect that someone really wants to make the place orthodox, or that everything they do is part of a plot to make this place fully egalitarian, ask them, find out their vision for the shul. You may actually find out you have some of the same motives, and that you agree on a lot of things! We share the same passion, for making a vibrant place where all of our spiritual needs a can be met, and where we leave a spiritual legacy by passing on Torah to the next generation.
Resentment is a Torah prohibition, the same as eating pork. We wouldn’t serve pork at Kiddush, and we can’t afford to have resentment in our community. And when we misunderstand each other, and mistrust each other, we become mired in resentment and sinat hinam.
The solution is to take the time to really get to know each other. Visit a different table at Kiddush. Take a stroll up to the second floor during the service—I won’t mind. Volunteer to help babysit the children. Invite someone over for shabbes. When I was in college, in the Dartmouth Outing Club, we would raid campers, sneaking up at night with torches and ice cream. Raid someone you’ve never talked to by inviting them over for Shabbes. We need to get to know each other.
So Hillel respected Shammai’s opinion, did not let it become personal. He took the time to understand it, and understand where Shammai was coming from.
A third thing, is that both Hillel and Shammai stayed at the table. Shammai did not leave, even though his opinion lost. According to Reb Nahman, the world was created in the space opened up by Hillel and Shammai’s controversy. Mahloket can create a dialogical space that opens up the possibility of creating something new. If we threaten to leave when the majority rules against us, that can’t happen. If we tolerate each others’ opinions, take the time to understand each other, we can have a dialogue that creates something entirely new.
For now, the majority of this community has decided to enforce the mehitza. This doesn’t mean the minority is wrong: elu ve’elu divrey elohim hayyim hem, both these and these are the words of the living God. I hope the majority who support the mehitza are saying, like Hillel, “some people think the minyan should be egalitarian, and I respect these people, but I think the way to go is traditional.” And I hope the minority realize that you are still a vital part of the conversation. Right now you are not in the majority, but we respect and need your voice.
The kedushat levi, Rebbe Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev, says that on Shabbat hazon, the Shabbat of vision, every jew is granted a vision of the third temple. Some people say this vision is only revealed to our highest soul, and our conscious self does not perceive it on this plane of reality. But I have seen it a few times.
One time was just after Rosh Hashanah in Uman, when I saw practically non-religious Jews break dancing with Hassidim at a Jewish hard rock concert. The divisions of contemporary society were not there—we were all brothers.
Another time was this past Sunday, after the meeting, when I stood talking with three people with totally different views on the mehitza. To some extent they heard each other, to some extent they didn’t. One of them asked another why he felt so strongly on the issue, and really wanted to hear him. We are trying to start to hear each other. That moment was a glimpse of the third temple.
The Rambam teaches that when we cry on tisha b’av, we are not crying because of what happened in the past, but because of our sins today that are similar, and that prolong the exile. Let’s all take the time to think about who we bear sinat hinam toward. A great litmus test is: if you were having a party, who wouldn’t you invite? Have you complained or even told a story about anybody in the past week? Take a moment now to think of one person. [Pause] That is sinat hinam. That is the relationship that needs mending.
Now you may be saying, “it’s not hinam (causeless), it’s legitimate!” Yes, we are allowed to hate true evil doers, people who intentionally violate ethical norms. I hope everybody here hates Ahmedenijad, or Hitler, or the guy last week who tried to kidnap a girl in Philadelphia. That’s legitimate hatred. Nobody here is on that level. Somebody may have done something that upset you, or even lost their temper and said something insulting or provocative, but unless they are truly wicked, we are still prohibited from hating them, and any resentment toward them is sinat hinam.
Most of us here try on some level to be shomer Shabbat and shomer kashrut. As we enter Tisha B’av, I invite you to take a step toward being shomer sinat hinam, by mending that relationship that needs healing, by getting to know that one person we would never invite over for Shabbes, maybe just saying “hi” at Kiddush, asking how they are, and actually finding out what’s happening in their life. Doing this, together, we are building the third temple