Hukat
It is surprising, in our parsha, that Moses is punished so harshly for what seems like a fairly innocuous mix up. When the Children of Israel complain of thirst, God tells Moses to speak to the rock, and instead he strikes it twice. Which was a reasonable thing to do, considering that the last time they ran out of water, in Refidim, he was told to strike the rock. Not such an unreasonable mistake. But for this, he is punished and not allowed to lead the Children of Israel into the promised land.
This is a big question the commentaries deal with; the Or HaHayyim counts ten explanations, and adds his own. A number of commentators say that Moses’ failure here points to a general leadership issue he had, and that from this we can learn how we should be as leaders, and also as parents. So I am going to look at a ferw of these explanations, and use them to think about how the Torah is instructing us to act with those over whom we have authority, at work, as community leaders, or as parents.
One explanation I want to bring is that of the Kli Yakar, Rabbi Shlomo Luntschitz of Lublin (16/17c). He says, first of all, that by hitting the rock instead of speaking to it, Moses was like a parent who disciplines by force when they could have disciplined with words. By using his staff, Moses opened the door for people to think it was magic, and not divine intervention. Yes, the job got done efficiently, but he missed the opportunity for building faith, for building character in his followers. It’s easier to use force: I got my kid away from the hot stove, she stopped writing on the wall. But it’s also less effective, in that I didn’t cultivate anything in my child. I didn’t cultivate an awareness of right and wrong.
He also says that by using the rod multiple times, it weakens the general effectiveness. If I overdo punishment with a child, if I overly reprimand a worker, I water down their respect for me, so when I speak respectfully, they may ignore me. The Cli Yakar says that by hitting the rock multiple times, Moses ensured that the Israelites wouldn’t listen to the prophets. If I get upset with at my child too often, if I am constantly angry with them, they lose their respect, they stop listening at all.
Another point that Yalkut Shimoni (#763) raises is that when a child is old enough, they can be reasoned with, instead of punished with the rod. After they had just left Egypt, they were like children, so Moses used the rod. Here, however, they were older, and Moses should have talked. It says that punishing with the rod makes an impression more slowly than speaking to a child. Yes, it stops them in the moment, but they don’t know what they’ve done wrong. Children actually want to know right from wrong, want to behave in a way that lives up to their parents expectations, but need to be taught how to do it.
I was at dinner recently with someone who’s child did something entirely inappropriate. The parent was shocked, and reprimanded the child. But the child just actually confused and startled, because he didn’t know how inappropriate his behavior was, so the punishment was a little overwhelming and upsetting. Even if it is something inappropriate, we need to take the time to sit children down and explain how they should behave.
A number of weeks ago, a little girl was running around in the shul, and somebody made the comment “that girl needs to learn how to behave,” as if it was a character fault that she didn’t know how to behave. We need to have the attitude of “let me teach her how to behave, so she can get by in the world.”
Another mistake of Moses’, according to Ramban (Moshe ben Nahman), was that Moses thought that God was angry, when in fact God would not get angry over a reasonable request, even if asked in a rebellious, hungry tone. If a child says, “I’m huuuuuungry,” we can relate politely, teach them how to ask nicely, and model how to act politely by nicely helping them get something to eat.
Moses’ reaction was quite harsh. He called them “Rebels”—shimu na, hamorim. He insulted them. Midrash Shimoni says it was this act of disparaging the Israelites, for which he was forbidden to enter Israel. The midrash continues that Isaiah was punished for saying “I am a man of unclean lips and dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips” (Isaiah 6:5) Elijah, too, was punished for saying “I have been very zealous for the lord God of hosts, for the Children of Israel have forsaken your covenant” (I Kings 18:10), and it was in response to this that God sends him to pick out his replacement, Elisha. And the Midrash relates an episode that Rabbi Avuhu was walking with Rabbi Shimon ben Lakish, and they were travelling to a certain town. Rabbi Avuhu asked, “why should we go to a place of blasphemers,” and in response Rabbi Shimon got off his donkey, picked up some sand, and put it in Rabbi Avuhu’s mouth, telling him “God does not want us to speak evil about the Jewish people”!
We can never insult our workers, children, or those in the community we serve. Tanya and I go to great pains never to call Hannah bad, or god forbid anything worse. Actions can be bad, irresponsible, misinformed, or just plain stupid, but the person is always good.
We need to be especially careful of lashon hara around what we consider to be matters of fact—saying things like “the people here are lazy,” or “the people here don’t really care about shabbes.” Even if we think it’s true, we are not allowed to say negative things about other people.
In addition, on a more basic level, a leader needs to have faith in his or her followers. Moses needed to believe that the Jews were basically good, were faithful, were just thirsty and a bit desperater. The moment a leader does not have faith in his followers, he can’t be their leader. The Netivot Shalom says that Moses needed to believe that each of his followers had a holy soul, a spark of God which cannot become unclean no matter how many sins they have committed. Faith in the basic goodness of each of his followers, that everybody has a basic drive to lead a holy life.
The same is true for any leader of the community. Our leaders need to have faith that every member of this congregation deep down desire to be an ehrlicher yid, an upright Jew leading an upright, mitzvah driven life. They might not be there yet entirely, but that is their basic desire.
A manager also needs to believe that their employees, deep down, want to do a good job. Management can’t be just by punishment, by fear; that doesn’t build a company where people want to do a good job. One of Toyota’s great managerial innovations was that workers’ quality improvement suggestions were taken seriously. Workers were empowered. Managers need to have a basic faith that workers want to do a good job, and empower them to do it. For sure, you might have hired a bad apple, who just wants to be lazy, and need to take appropriate actions. But most people deserve and need this benefit of the doubt.
Children also need this benefit of the doubt, the faith that deep down they want to do the right thing. Fear of punishment only goes so far in training children to be good. Children do not become good by being punished, and when punishment becomes abusive, it actually makes children worse. By believing in a child’s basic goodness, in their desire to do good, we nurture that part of them, and help them become good people.
So Moses’ failure here teaches us some basic lessons about leadership and parenting. We should never be harsh—we need to believe in peoples’ basic goodness, and take the time to explain how we need them to act. We should never insult them. And we should not overdo it, but just rebuke once and then forgive.
May God help us be sensitive and kind with all our words, especially with those we have authority over, with our workers, with our spouses and children, and with our community members, and may all of our words only build up those around us.

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The EPA is considering regulating Carbon emissions. Climate change is a massive threat we are creating for next generation, which has already started to destroy so much of God’s creation. Our responsibility as Jews to do all we can to fight it both through how we live our lives & through advocacy. On website: link to article, which has link to a petition. Please read the article and consider signing the petition.